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FROM THE MULTI-POLAR MIND OF A RECOVERING EX-USER

not poetry, not purposeful, not pretending









...

Wednesday 24 April 2019

Break



 
This is where the road ends
 
Where the light bends
 
Where no hope sends me to
 
 
 
This is when the night falls
 
When the dark calls
 
When the rope breaks in two
 
 
 
This is why the strength drops
 
Why the flow stops
 
Why the world falls down too
 

Under the Radar

Under the radar
Outside the box
Inside the complex
Over the top

Into the forest
Deep in the maze
Out of the closet
Lost in these days

Keeping the secret
Talking in code
Getting the key cut
Dropping the load

Taking it head on
Brushing aside
Making it this far
Rushing the ride

Ending made final
Above and below
Send me the signal
It's past time to go

Sunday 9 February 2014

Stray

If I thought it worth stating, I'd say; If I felt I should be here, I'd stay; If I found it worth doing, I'd play; And if I knew where we're going, I'd stray.

Friday 31 May 2013

Dream of A Rustling Man

It’s lost in history, the cost's in the future, revealed in a mystery and hidden by a suture. Time runs like a river: you have already chosen, you chose it every time, the river's flow is not one line. Are you sure you're not dreaming? because waking's the enemy; do not drink from the cup but the fountain of memory. I'm an atheist of sight: I see more than one angle, a Bringer of Light, do not shirk from the tangle. I will save you some day but maybe not today; fuck victory, its defeat: to advance, we retreat.

Legal Highs

Prohibition started it, Changing farts to real big shit, Cause the law left from the loop An endless bowl of chemi-soup. Can we escape these legal highs Without the need to legalize? I got a clue, I tell no lies: Forget the shape, re-call the size

Monday 18 February 2013

Sandman

Though it hurts to burst your bubble, It feels worse to curse your double, So destroy the doppelganger, And the deal can still be done. So if Chaos lurks in corners, It's 'cause Dream sent it to warn us, That his brother tells tall tales, That his sister's ship soon sails, And that Quality leaves hip trails.

Sunday 17 February 2013

The Impostor

I'm an impostor, Not who you think I am, Not even who I really feel I am, I'm just the one whose thinking what I am, Who sees below the surface of the scam, And mocks the million minds which give a damn. I'm a lost actor, Not the shining star at centre stage, Not a man who even acts his age, I'm just a void that's spilling on this page, Wild words which invoke rippling on the lake, And reach the other shore without a break.

Thursday 27 December 2012

How to Spell Love

I may turn down your offer to meet your best friend, While arguing intensely that light rays can bend; And when we have finished our debate about this, I’ll show MBS that there’s more roads to bliss. What is it I want more than lover or friend? It’s that someone who brings this long search to an end, And for this great jewel I’ve been willing to cast: A spell shaped from chaos to bring our love fast.

Sunday 28 October 2012

Jewel

If you were a peach in my hand, I would peel you; If this world dragged you down with its lies, I would heal you; If you were lost to all ears and all eyes, I’d still feel you; And if your soul’s made a jewel in Love’s crown, I will steal you.

Monday 15 October 2012

The Fractal Person

No force can ever shut this voice up, nor the energy which generates both action and interaction, because it vibrates up from the void of the Fractal Person at the centre of the Fractured Maze - just beyond the fragmented bridge to the Nowhere Point. There are no egoes here: for it is multi-dimensional, an infinity of eternities, an eternity of infinities. The here-and-now returns to the primal psychedelic singularity, the Dream of the Machine Elf. Point-Circumference = Quality, naturally. Thank you for popping in and out of existence. Be Seeing You.

Wednesday 10 October 2012

Epikottle the Machine Elf

Living in a city Rutzel, how brave, how foolish, how termite-like. Are you a human or a virus? Right, straight, listen: Families and Friends: All that, yeah I get it. But the community, the people who live together, do they want quality and true joy in their lives, or live in the rat race and chase the dollar? What else can you do? Do you ever walk down a busy street or go on public transport, and you see all these people, especially in the rush hour, bodies squashed together but trying above all else to avoid eye contact? Well, I turn your third eye on, as arranged, to assist you in the relevant situations, but listen closer, don’t just look. Yes you look into their eyes, don’t you, and all you see bubbling on the mind-roof of so many people is unsatisfied desires, distorted memories, future-anxiety, fear of aging and death, and envy of the rich and famous. What happened to Quality and Grace and Joy, you are not machines: be Children again: feel, play - stop thinking so much. I mean, Rutzel, did some weird-looking blue guys with a spaceship drop you off here about half a century ago, or do you still believe this is really YOUR FUCKING PLANET!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Saturday 4 August 2012

Song-Poems

I prefer poems that rhyme, I guess that is what makes them songs; And I also prefer poems which have crystal-clear drum-like rhythms Where the words don't fall awkwardly over each other, and stuff. Yeah

Friday 1 June 2012

Cage

been sinking so fast I just passed a stone, been hurting so much my laugh killed a moan, and though I am nought I now have a throne, not something I sought just a cage of my own

Friday 16 March 2012

Primal

Blood and fire
Earth and skin
Bone and ashes
Out is in

Day is broken
Moon to Sun
All are fallen
It is done

-followed by my beating drum
Sounding out what is to come
To live and die on this cold day
To fade from colour into gray

Love or loss
Slave or boss
Snarling snouts
Growling shouts
Teeth in flesh
Moments mesh
Bleeding eyes
Swarm of flies
No more words
Gurgling cries
End of battle
Come death rattle

Wednesday 14 March 2012

Maze

I was born in a maze
Spent my life running round the maze
Found some places to rest and to raise
Found some spaces to be best and to blaze

Now I’ve found the centre of the maze
Where the grand orchestra plays
And where I get my prize for these days
Here lies the entrance to the maze

Sunday 11 March 2012

Postscript

something
i need something
something sweeter than love
to take these dreams away

someone
i need someone
someone with the power
to make this life a way

because the moon stares from the sky
and can hear our every lie
and so it's time to leave this place
you've seen it written on my face
please put these tired words to bed
and kiss goodnight my empty head

somewhere
i'm going somewhere
somewhere with the power
for night to follow day

Friday 9 December 2011

Already know

Death hangs ahead of me
Like some grisly crow
Waiting for the end of the show
Stating what we all already know

Death stinks of rotten flesh
Cries like a strangled bird
Never going to say a single word
Stating what we all already know

Tuesday 8 November 2011

Living the Lie

Life’s a gas
She shows you shots of heaven
So you know how well gods shine
Then she kicks you up the arse
And tells you your love is a crime
That your life amounts to nothing but a foolish fucking farce

Life’s a grass
It grows so green and shiny
That we think that it’s our path
When secretly it’s slimy
And it’s dark and full of wrath
And doesn’t care if we are pushed to cry or pulled to fucking laugh

Life’s a mess
It shows the flowers blooming
But hides the shit behind the Sun
And hopes the blaze will gloom the glow
When the pain has always been the main scene of the show
So be clear it fucking knows there’s only one way this can go

Life’s a cheat
He tells his story palms up like he never knew the price
And slips across the sad parts
Like a skater rides the ice
And while the great scenes hug the spotlight’s find and seek
The lie is that you’ll hear some fucking truthful voices speak

Monday 3 October 2011

Not Relevant

This don't work
Such and so
I won't lurk
I'll just go.

No more hope
So be kind
Erase tape
Full rewind

No Title

Black holes
Anti-matter
Dark thoughts
Blood splatter

Broken homes
Nothing happens
Dark days
Mirror blackens

Burnt bones
Change in matter
Dark world
Gone flatter

Friday 16 September 2011

Always

How many letters make up that old word 'hell'?
Can you count them as they whirl round in that place beyond what's gone?
Can you feel that sense of falling, going to fall, or having fell?
So you want to know the answer? Then don't count - its always one.

So we're left with just this question: which letter produces 'hell'?
Did you get to it already, has it rung your inner bell?
For those who cannot count or do not care to question why,
Hell - singular or plural - always was and will be: I.


That was the final verse, so what the fuck is happening here?
You've over-shot the end, the stop, passed into empty space.
So for some light relief I've made this one-liner appear:
The zero met the eight and said 'Give me your belt, my dear'.

Friday 9 September 2011

Just Realized

Just realized why I never look too far ahead
Why the future seems a dark place in my mind
It’s because if I look ahead I will see that what I only fear now
Is actually waiting for me like a predator set to pounce
And that’s not another weight I would like to carry round with me just yet
So I’m hiding in the moment, like a sailor lost at sea

Just realized why I never look too far back
Why the past seems a dead place in my mind
It’s because if I look back I will see what I’ve taken so long to forget
That those things that happened were real and really lessened me
And that’s not another wound I would like to fester or heal right now
So I’m hiding in the moment, like a slave that got set free

Wednesday 7 September 2011

Fuck it all

Fate, the ugly bitch and bastard,
Hides behind the cloak of destiny,
While privately in glee from garmonbozia
Boasts their hands did alter things once free.

Free will, the hoped-for god of intellectuals;
Causality, the god of science and its sons -
Be still, these gods are false like all those worshipped shitbags,
Quality was sacrificed for this joke of mine:
A broken sign deliberately bereft of rhyme.

Thursday 25 August 2011

This or That or Which

And this is the mouth
Which told the lie
That burst from the ground
And scorched the sky

So killing the child
Which crawled out of the womb
That got fucked up the arse
By the man in the moon

And this is the face
Which forced the smile
That extended the walk
An additional mile

And here is the pen
Which wrote the tale
That the man in the maze
Had strayed from the trail

And this is the end
Which we knew was ahead
That stops all the words
Spewing out of my head

Friday 19 August 2011

Bipolar Blues

The middle is a mystery
It's somewhere I've not been
It's not at either end of me
It's some place in-between.

The middle is a default zone
It's where most people are
It's where the soul feels most at home
From here, it's very far.